Uphold Marriage Integrity

Hey, hey, good morning, good morning, welcome to Coffee and Devotions. This morning, we're at Deuteronomy chapter 22. We're going to be looking at verses 13 through, let's see, 13 through 21. This is a difficult part, right, on sexual purity. What happens when a husband and wife are distrusting each other, especially with what happened before marriage? So why don't we have some coffee?
We'll pray and we'll get into this difficult passage. Father, we thank you so much for this day. We thank you for your word. And we pray that your spirit would help us. Lord, we come to a passage that Many have seen and want to hold to a different standard. Father, it's attacked even in our own society. And Father, we pray that you would please help us. Help us, Lord, to interpret it wisely. And to have it applied to our hearts in a way that's faithful to your holiness and the intent therein. In Jesus's name. Amen. All right. Here we go. Deuteronomy, chapter 22, verses 13 through 21.
If any man takes a wife, and goes into her, and detests her, and charges her with shameful conduct, and brings a bad name on her, and says, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found she was not a virgin, then the father and mother of the young woman shall take and bring out the evidence of the young woman's virginity to the elders of the city at the gate.
And the young woman's father shall say to the elders, I gave my daughter to this man as wife, and he detests her. Now he has charged her with shameful conduct, saying, I have found your daughter was not a virgin. And yet these are the evidences of my daughter's virginity.
And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. Then the elders of that city shall take that man and punish him. And they shall fine him one hundred shekels of silver and give him to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name on a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He cannot divorce her all his days.
But if the thing is true, and evidences of virginity are not found for the young woman, then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done a disgraceful thing in Israel, to play the harlot in her father's house.
So you shall put away the evil from among you. Well, hard passage. We need to ask ourselves, A, what is this about? B, what's the best verse to summarize this? And C, what are we called to do? We jump into this ugly scenario, a scenario where people are accusing one another of lying. People are saying, you deceived me, you held back parts of your past and your history from me that you ought to have told me. People are possibly even telling lies. This is like, this is like, Hollywood, horrible, gone bad, seeking divorce the day after you get married type ugliness.
And so I think some people come to this passage and they want to read this passage and look for what is true that there's a not bulletproof plan in this virgin sheet or this this token of virginity of a broken hymen and look at that alone and say, oh, look, look, look, see, it's so narrow.
But I think what's actually going on here is the Lord is preserving. Both the purity of his people. The integrity specifically of women. and the holiness of marriage. And so we see this, that a man, he marries a woman. And he detests or dislikes her for some reason.
And we don't know when this first comes about whether this man is telling the truth or not. It may be that he thought he could marry this girl, use her in a dumper or it says that's not going to happen. And you're not going to use such a steep skate way of saying, oh, you know what?
She wasn't actually a virgin and get out of the marriage after you've used and abused this poor woman. So much so that if her parents are able to bring even that Aiman sheet or whatever to show that she was really a virgin and they've investigated this, by the way, I think that there's a full investigation that's going to go on here. And not just like they know, they know that this is not a foolproof, bulletproof type evidence.
But if they're able, especially if they're able to produce that, they're able to say, buddy, You are dead wrong and you have brought shame and where this is an honor shame culture in in this part, right? And so you are dead wrong in this and the man's punished for that. But what about when we get to that second part versus 20 through 22 or 20 through 21 and we find out that this is actually true? The punishment for that is death.
That seems kind of harsh, right? But what's going on in the background here? This is a violation of a number of commandments, right? It's a violation of the fifth commandment. She's dishonored her father and her mother. It's a violation of the ninth commandment.
She's not born false. She's not born true testament, but she's lied to her parents. She's lied to her husband. She's lied to the community about who she was. She could have told her husband the truth. She could have told her parents the truth. I made this horrible decision. I got too close to this other guy and I shouldn't have. The elders, they investigate, they find out, hey, yeah, she. She was not telling the truth about all these things. And worse than that now.
Right. It's this violating of the commandment. Do not commit adultery. Right. Because now she's engaged in that sexual immorality. And she's compounded that with lying to both her parents and to her spouse and the community. Right. And so this is this is not just some small issue in the society. This is a big issue.
Now, something that's interesting to note, we don't have any textual record, either biblical or extra biblical, of this type of judgment ever actually being carried out. We just don't. There's nothing in the Bible where this type of scenario is brought up.
Because I think the principle stood. The principle behind it that we must preserve. the integrity of marriage and tied with that, the sexual union that's to happen between a husband and a wife alone, but also the dignity that women are supposed to have. There's not gynecologists, right? There's no way to prove this, but there's going to be an investigation.
There's possible proof to show that this isn't true and you're not going to treat women this way in Israel. And so I think this is the opposite of what our society tries to make it out as. And I just want to say, right, as we think about this passage and we think about what it's preserving and the principles behind it, what an ugly scenario it is on both fronts, either for the guy who's such an idiot to try to abuse and use this poor woman, Or what an ugly scenario it is. Hide things from your future spouse.
Hey, you've made a mistake. Happens. I'm not I'm not just brushing away fornication. Not what I'm doing here. But sin is real and sometimes there's consequences, but it's better to be honest. It's better for a girl to say, Dad, I didn't listen. And to hide it. and to think that somehow that's going to get them stoned to death. No, what's stoned to death is the hiding and the deceitfulness, the twisting of the truth. Because that guilt and that shame is going to just continue.
And for this guy who's tried to use and abuse, nobody. You know what you're going to do? You're going to suck it up and you're going to be a man. You're going to treat that girl how she's supposed to be treated. And for the sin that you've done, now you're going to pay their father, her father, a fine. Because you've shamed the family. You stupid fool. Can't believe you would do that.
That's what this is about. This is about teaching young people that the decisions they make and how they do things, even today, will affect what happens the rest of their lives. And so it preserves. It preserves the family. It preserves the dignity of women. It tells men to be men and not to be womanizers. This is what God is wanting in his society. Again, the laws are given because it is a sinful society. It is a people made of sinful people who do sinful, stupid things. Their covenant king is trying to lead them in a better way. I think that's what this is about. What's the best verse to summarize this? Well, in my Bible, I have verse 19 underlined, and I have a verse, the very last part of verse 21 underlined. I think that that's the best verse.
What are we called to do? I think we're called to be those who strive to live pure lives, who even when we make stupid decisions, even when we may have done things in our past that we may be ashamed of, that we're those who could promote the truth. We can be honest about our failures with others, especially for those who we're about to be in a relationship with. Again, I sit here in my office and I do premarital counseling with people and I do marriage counseling with people.
And I got to tell you, hiding things in your past from your future spouse or from your current spouse, it only brings more baggage and shame into the marriage. Husbands, don't be like this man. Love your wife as Christ loves the church. We're not perfect, and Jesus still loves us. We, those types of people, especially in the marriage, we uphold the marriage bed. We see it as this beautiful picture between a man and a wife. That God has joined together and let no man tear asunder. Husbands, do you love your wives as Christ loves the church? Wives, are you being submissive, loving your husband? Are you cherishing your marriage or are you hiding things from them? This is the beautiful picture of what God gives us of how much Jesus loves us and how we're to love him.
Let's pray. Father, this is a tough passage. It's not an easy one. It shouldn't just be glossed over or ran through. Sexual ethics are real. And what we do with our bodies really does affect our relationships and our souls and our relationship to you.
Lord, we pray that you would please forgive us of our sin. Forgive us of our guilt, Lord, we are people who fail. And we mess up even before you, so Lord, instead of hiding in shame, We bring things into light to you. Knowing that if we confess our sins, you are faithful and you are just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all of our transgressions. So Lord, please forgive us of our sins. Turn us from them. Lord, we pray that we would turn from them and turn unto life. That we would walk before you with assurance of forgiveness. And with a walk now in holiness, we pray in Jesus's name. Amen. May the Lord bless you. May you walk before the Lord who loves you and who even gave his son to die for you. I'll see you next time. Bye.